Just a lil more....maybe

When is enough ....actually enough?

Adieu

Unknown

I feel some type of way right now.... I have all these thoughts and feelings running going through my body...I know where they are coming from, but I don't understand why they are so strong.

I dislike the unknown, the more I sit silent and try to understand these feelings the more I become bothered. It's almost like a nervous feeling. Feels like butterflies in my stomach but I'm not nervous or anxious about anything... I just....don't...know.

Adieu

EXCUSE THE TYPOES

So i really have an issue with broken communication, especially when i'm not trying to persuade you into doing something different than what you already stated but when i'm really trying to get a clear understanding of where your thoughts are. So I'm pissed for starting to feel like I'm being proactive in your kids life and i can make decisions and i can say lets go and lets do. All i want to do is go to Orlando and visit my friends. Why is the first thing you ask well who's gonna watch my son while we are gone? STUPID !!! we will watch your son while we are away and he will have fun and meet new people and visit the water park and be with us. But all i get from you is a NOT GONNA HAPPEN... so hIS grand parents can take him out of town for the weekend and bring him back just before school on Monday, I can watch him everyday of the week after work and get his homework done and food in his belly and in bed on time, and teach him his prayers and go over spelling words and buy him bath toys and make sure he has snacks but to ask for him to come with us and let him come with me to my friends house where there's actually a child there his age .... I get CAUSE I SAID NO....who the fuck you think you talking to? you not my daddy cause i said no is a father sentence and since i'm the same age as you there's no way you're my father so tighten that shit up quick cause next time i wont just be quiet and take into consideration i'm not that little boys biological parent but ill be damned if we bring kids into this picture together and you think that CAUSE I SAID SO SHIT will work then .... Trust and believe bruh i will have a say so and my word will prolly carry more weight (I'M JUST SAYING) ...this is a partnership and all i want to know is why? Can i get that? Hell no cause i'm talking to the world and you just sitting on the couch waiting on me to say i'm ready to go to bed.... how irresponsible are you don't you have work at 8am .... I think ill stay up 2 more hours instead of 30 minutes. (JUST CAUSE I CAN)...

My daddy don't stay here .....

THE CHAMP OUT ...

That moment when...Growth appears

That moment when your shoulders are tight and your heart rate is increasing every second... 

That moment when you begin shooting daggers and using the frown muscles in your face...

That moment when you just need to unleash your wrath... 

That moment when peace becomes you because you realize, your "wrath" will not deescalate the situation, those daggers aren't making the dispute better. 

So you exhale slowly and thank God for helping you to maintain your composure and grace. You realize, the situation is over with and you are proud with how you handled it. 

I say to myself, "Hey! I didn't do/say anything I would regret and at the end of the day this situation was really trivial and doesn't affect my life."

At the end of the day I can live with how I acted and reacted...... But BOY WAS IT HARD! -Growth

Adieu

Who's Driving?

God Funds Purpose

I heard that saying months ago but did not fully understand it until last night. For the past month I have been studying for the GRE to better my chances in getting a fellowship or an assistantship to pursue my Ph.D. Lately I have been secondguessing myself in doing better on this test, I started to think that I made a mistake in making this move and about how I will fund out of state fees for this degree. Last night, I watched a Bible Study session from Nashville where the Bishop mentioned how God Funds Purpose, how if it is His will it is His bill, and that we shouldn't downsize our vision or budget our purpose because we don't have the money. That we should continue to step out on what God is telling you to do. As soon as Bishop said all that I had an "aha" moment. I started thinking about all the things that has happened to me to get me thus far. It began with the professor I want to work with saying he didn't have funds for me to him talking to the dean and finding a fellowship for me to apply for. Next it was having enough savings to even make the move from Nashville to Bryan, TX. I didn't realize it at the time but God IS funding my purpose and there is NO need for me to doubt myself because He is pushing me to success and I'm going after it. Like Bishop said, God is pushing me to break through and the devil comes through to breakdown. I know what my purpose is..I've seen the vision..I know I'm doing what God wants me to do!

Ms. Rita

What Had Happened Was.....

I'm trying to focus on the blessings of 2012, but I can't seem to shake this nagging feeling and these nagging thoughts. I mean this is what I wanted right???? 30% yes lol. I mean these people gossip 24-7, they keep adding more than what it was led on my description would be, but at the same time it's quiet and I don't have people constantly harassing me. But then it's just something about this situation that doesn't feel right in my soul.  The best thing is being able to help people that really need and that are trying to better themselves, and having my own (ample) space. That's what I keep telling myself... then I say am I helping myself? 

No matter how much I keep throwing positives, there's always this lingering Big Gigantic

I'm not getting what I need for licensure but I am gaining new experience. I'm putting my car through it regarding the mileage. I mean I was planning on getting a new car by the middle of this year anyway...but I don't know if Platinum will last that long (fingers crossed).

YALL I DON'T EVEN TAKE PICTURES OF MY SUPERB FASHION IN THE MORNING/AFTERNOON BEFORE I LEAVE.... LOL IT'S THAT DEEP! 

Until the next situation.... Adieu :)